We went to a social down in Birmingham Saturday. After the last time we tried to attend a social at this hotel (there are at least 2 different socials held in the same hotel) we decided we'd wait till after the social to get a room (just in case we didn't stay at all). There were over 100 couples signed up to attend on SLS so we figured it would be better than the last one, and we'd been talking online with a couple that we were really looking forward to meeting there.

When we first got there, we really weren't sure if we'd be staying. The turnout was good, but we were late and layout of the social itself just didn't seem very condusive to actually meeting people. They had the Alabama game playing on a tv in the back which is where a large number of folks were hanging out. And the music wasn't really great for dancing... except the occasional good slow song.

We saw the couple that we wanted to meet come in about 45 minutes or so after we got there, and I was ready to run up to them at that point, but we decided it would be better to give them time to get settled in. In the end, they finally approached us and we were all pretty much inseperable for the rest of the night. They told us that of the two socials the other one (the one that we attempted to attend but ended up not attending) had a more friendly group of people... even though many were the same as at this social, the same people were more friendly at the other social... interesting.

Overall the night turned out very well and around 12:30 I was ready to get out of there... whether to go play or go sleep, either was ok with me. We let them know we were ready to go and asked if they wanted to play and they were up for it. So we headed out to find a hotel room. 3 hotels later we finally found a room and a had a great time together.

Then we woke up yesterday morning both feeling like crap. Sore throats, achy bodies the whole works. Pet's dr said it's just a virus, but I can barely even swallow. On top of that when we left the hotel Sunday morning I managed to leave behind my TMJ nightguard so I had to go back to B'ham yesterday and pick it up before driving all the way back to Nashville for an appt with my orthodontist.

Lin's attitude changed toward me being with other women after that night. We decided to expand our horizons a bit, to possibly include couples rather than single men exclusively. Having that possibility a much more realistic thing, we discussed my getting a vasectomy to prevent any accidents (Lin had had a tubal ligation before we were married, so we were already safe there.) After a couple of months of discussion, I had one. It was while I was healing up from that little adventure (get one guys - it's one week out of your life - no biggie) that I met a guy online who would later become, along with is wife, our closest friends in the lifestyle (I'll call them Max & Annie for purposes of discussion.)

Max & Annie have been in the lifestyle for longer than we have, especially as a full-swap couple. Our full swapping experience prior to meeting them was that one time with Fred & Ethel. I was chatting with Max online, and he invited us to a house party in their home. We had never been to a house party before, so I told him that I'd get back to him about it after I talked with Lin. We discussed it, and decided to give it a try. I'm here to tell you now that we've been hooked on house parties ever since, and host them in our home on occasion.

We became regulars at Max & Annie's parties, and in fact sort of commandeered one of their bedrooms as our own, keeping some robes in the closet, and basic toiletries in the bathroom. The 4 of us became fast friends, and it became a ritual for us to go out to breakfast the morning after a party, with us usually getting home well into the afternoon. Work, however, forced them to move out of state, and we haven't seen them in about 2 years. We still IM and e-mail, however, and plan on getting together again soon.

Since that first party in late 2001, things have basically stabilized. We're still living in the same area, we still swing, we still have single male playmates over (including Tim,) and we still love each other just as dearly as when we said, "I do."

So, that's the whole story about how we got involved in this lifestyle from the beginning, until today. We have a "circle of friends" that consists of about 10 couples and 3 or 4 single men, and we get together as the various moods strike us all. We try to have a party at least every 3 months, and we all really have a good time. We still meet new couples and single men on occasion, but we're not actively looking to expand our "circle of friends" at this time.

Things continued along as they had for the previous 3-4 years until about mid 2000. By this time, I had discovered computers and the Internet, and was surfing the web like most everyone else I knew. I discovered various local 'groups' online that catered to swingers, and we chatted with several people that way. We had also met our good friend through Lin's job by this time (I'll call him Tim for purposes of discussion.) Tim told us about this local on-premise swinger's club, where people were welcome to make use of a special 'party room' for sexual play. Of course that intrigued both of us. We got directions to the club and went a couple of times, but we just watched and never participated. To be honest, we were both too scared to do anything if we had been invited to.

If you've noticed, up until now, I've never mentioned another woman being involved in our extra-marital sex play. There are a couple of reasons for that. First of all, the primary focus of our whole exploration of polyamory was Lin, and her fantasies. Second, I just wasn't interested in another woman. Oh sure, I looked at other women - every man does. But I was more than happy with our sex life together, and still am. I had never tried to get Lin to consider another woman, because that just wasn't what we were looking for. One thing we discovered, however, was that it seemed that the overwhelming majority of people we met online, or found in local swinger's ads were couples looking for couples, or that elusive single bi female. Sure there were several single males looking to get involved with women and couples, but we also discovered that the majority of them were actually married, and were just looking for 'a little on the side,' and didn't care how they got it. We heard every kind of sob story imaginable, and a few that weren't even imaginable, to justify their cheating. We really became quite disillusioned, and rather disgusted with the whole ordeal. We continued to go to the swinger's club, but we only watched other couples, and never participated with anyone other than each other. Eventually we relaxed enough to actually have sex with each other there while other people watched.

It was about this time that I started chatting with a man online who lived in a city about 3 hours away from us. He seemed like a nice guy, and Lin found him to be attractive, based on the pictures he sent us. He was very up front with us about everything, and told us that he was indeed married, that they were both swingers (I'll call them Fred & Ethel for purposes of discussion.) He told us that he did indeed have permission to play alone when he was in our city, and had done so several times. This whole topic of discussion soon led to the possibility that I would play with another woman. At about the same time, during one excursion to that swinger's club, we bumped into a woman I worked with, and her husband. We spent quite a bit of that evening talking about life, the universe, and everything (not to mention the 'oh my God, what are you doing here' factor) but we didn't get together.

Lin and I realized that my playing with another woman was becoming a real possibility if we continued on the way we were going. This led to our backing off from all of our extra-marital activities for a while and re-assessing our relationship, wants, desires, fantasies, and feelings. I never pressured her in any direction, one way, or another. Truth be told, I was too busy evaluating my own feelings about the subject.

At first Lin was dead set against it, and I was fine with that. Over the course of about a month, however, she started to change her mind on her own. I had changed jobs during this time, so I didn't see that co-worker of mine 4 times a week anymore, but Lin was still uncomfortable with me being with her. She was more concerned with the woman becoming emotionally involved with me, and wanting me to come over to her house for play while Lin was gone, than anything else. While I reassured Lin that would never happen, she didn't want to get to the point where it could ever even come up, let alone happen. I was fine with that.

One evening, I got an IM from Fred & Ethel, telling us they were coming to our town to do some Christmas shopping at one of the big malls here, and they wondered if we'd come to meet them over sodas in the food court (they were bringing their 3 teen-aged children with them, so things had to remain innocent.) Lin and I talked it over for a bit, and we told them that we'd love to meet them. We met this couple, and their kids, and hit it off immediately. They were genuinely a great couple, and ones we would have loved to hang out with on a social basis if we all lived closer together. By the end of that evening (we chatted while their kids shopped) we were all completely relaxed with each other, and were talking like we had been friends for years. On our way home later that night, Lin shocked the holy hell out of me by saying, "Now HER I would have no problem with you being with." I almost wrecked the car.

We talked about it the whole way home, and the next day. We then dropped the subject for a couple of weeks to give ourselves time to sort out our feelings. One weekend, after the New Year, Lin told me that she had decided that she'd be interested in the 4 of us getting together. She decided that her main problem with getting together with anyone who lived close by was the possibility of emotional involvements. She figured that since Fred & Ethel lived 3 hours away, that was enough distance between us all that it wouldn't be a factor. Once we were both certain that we really wanted to do it, I called Fred and talked to him on the phone. We made arrangements to drive to their town and rent a hotel room, then call them to invite them over. We did, and we did - then we did it.

On the way home the next day, we were both quiet at first. Then we both started talking at the same time - it was actually rather comical. By the time we got home, we both decided that we'd had a good time, and that things were not only still fine between us, they were wonderful. Lin told me that she was nervous right up until the time I first crawled under the covers onto the bed with Ethel. After that, she said something that surprised me - she told me that she hadn't felt any jealousy at all, and was in fact kind of proud of me. When I asked her what she meant by that, she told me that she had listened to us on the other bed (our room had had 2 queen sized beds,) and heard all of Ethel's reactions to what I was doing. She said that the fact that I could give Ethel that kind of pleasure made her proud that she was married to me. I took the compliment with a bit of embarrassment, but accepted it just the same.

I know I didn't explain that very well, but that's what I was thinking at the time. It's funny, but as I look back on it now, the thought of being naked with another naked man never entered my mind. I'll say right here that I don't have a homophobic bone in my body. I think that whatever consenting adults do behind closed doors is simply none of my business. Gay men and Lesbian women don't bother me in the slightest. It's not for us, Lin and I are both straight, but it's just as normal as being anything else in this world. So the thought of my body accidentally coming into contact with another man's body never entered my mind. It still doesn't - I just don't care. We're not getting naked to play with each other, we're getting naked to play with this nude woman who has so graciously presented herself for our pleasure, and most importantly, hers… but I digress…

Having settled it in my mind, albeit in a rather jumbled fashion, I began to think about how I would talk to Lin about it. As the time for her to return home drew nearer, I began to get more and more anxious about it. Would she think I was a freak? Would she demand that we drop the subject, and leave fantasy a fantasy? Would she start wondering if I really loved her if I was so willing to share her with someone else? I had those questions and many more, and the worst part was, I couldn't truthfully answer any of them with any degree of certainty. I was truly lost. I thought I kind of knew the answers, but I couldn't be sure.

When she got home from school, I let things lie dormant while we got used to being together again, and settled into life. The school was only 100 days long, but that seemed like an eternity to us. Once the excitement of her being home settled down, my thoughts of the MFM threesome came back. After about a month of thinking over how best I could approach the subject, I kind of invented a ritual we enjoy to this day - 'The Dirty Drive.'

We both love to explore. We both love to go for a ride in the car, and just get out on the road and go in no particular direction to see what we can see. We have some of our best discussions in the car. It's hard to explain, but for some reason getting out of the house, away from everyone and everything, and into a place where we truly are alone with each other changes our whole point of view. We're able to discuss things more openly and concentrate on each other, rather than distractions like telephones, kids, family life, and just other people in general. One Friday evening, as the sun was setting, I asked her if she wanted to go for a ride. She readily agreed, and off we went.

As we made our way out of town, we made small talk, getting the normal chitchat out of the way. When we were out in the suburbs, I began to turn the conversation more toward sex, and our fantasies. I could tell that she was becoming aroused by our conversation. With a deep breath, I finally asked the question; had she ever thought about making her MFM fantasy a reality? She thought about it for several minutes, during which time I think I held my breath, before answering that she had, but was afraid of all the possible consequences. I know I let out a sigh of relief - not because she had thought about consequences but because she hadn't thought less of me. I told her that we could talk about it, if she wanted, and work through any consequences we thought might come up, and she agreed with me.

During the rest of our ride, I asked her a multitude of questions while I explained everything I had thought through during her absence. She listened to me, answered my questions, and offered a few of their own. In that one 3-hour drive, we became more relaxed with the idea in general, and the thought of actually doing it aroused us both. I never came right out and asked her if she wanted to do it - and in fact, I told her that I didn't want an answer to that question right then. It was something that we both had to seriously think about for a while.

No, we didn't go home and have the sex of a lifetime. We did have sex, but it probably one of the most intimate experiences I've ever had. I remember vividly how we watched each other as we made love. Each of us seemed to be gauging each other's reactions, and I'm sure we both had more questions than answers when we fell asleep.

We talked about it for a few months after that. It was a frequent topic, and one that we put a lot of serious thought into. We made our 'dirty drives' a lot dirtier by talking through some of her fantasies, with me playing with her as I drove, and her getting more and more excited with each passing mile. One night in early 1993, she told me that she wanted to try it. She thought that we could both handle it, and she wanted to experience it at least once. That’s the night we went home and had the sex of a lifetime.

Having both decided that we really wanted to do this, the question then became 'who?' Who would we approach with this idea? We knew that we didn't want to invite a total stranger into our bed - there are a lot of freaks in this world, and we didn't want to take the chance that we'd invite the next Ted Bundy to come play with us. We didn't want to jeopardize either of our working relationships by choosing a co-worker (and to be honest, nobody I worked with would have fit the bill anyway.) We both knew that the man had to be single, and still today that's one of our criteria. We refuse to make Lin 'the other woman,' so all of her playmates are either single, or part of a lifestyle couple who plays separately on occasion.

After a week or two, she told me about a guy who worked in a different office than her (I'll call him George, for the sake of discussion,) whom she had been flirting with. Let me say here that Lin is a flirt - she always has been. She's never been a tease, and all of her 'flirt-buddies' know that it's all just sexy banter, and nothing else. She thought that this guy would be a likely candidate. I went to her office and she introduced me to him that day. He was a nice guy, and as we all chatted, Lin really raised the flirting bar. She later told me that she did it on purpose, with me there, to let him know that I knew about it, and was fine with it. When she got home that night, of course we talked about it. Yes the whole thing excited her, and yes we did have some very intense sex that night.

By this time, it's spring of 1993, and Lin had come down on orders to be transferred overseas again. We were to leave that fall, so we didn't have much time left where we lived. We looked at it as a good thing - our logic being that if we had the experience, and didn't like it, we would soon be leaving the area, George, and any associated problems behind.

My questions soon became about George. Would he try to take Lin away from me? Would he see our threesome as the green light to try to get into her pants whenever he felt like it? Would he try to push the issue if she turned him down? Would he be discrete, or would he tell everyone he knew that he had 'been there, done that?' I got to know George a little better, and just being around him assured me that most of my fears were unfounded. He just didn't seem to be that kind of guy.

To cut to the chase, the three of us eventually got together. That first time was unlike anything Lin or I had ever experienced before. I'll admit at first I was nervous as hell - all 3 of us were. There was more nervous laughter in that house that day than anyone could imagine. We finally relaxed enough to just let it flow, and it certainly did.

After George left, of course we went for another dirty drive and talked about it. We both agreed that we'd had a wonderful time, and that George had been a good choice for our first encounter. Had I been jealous? Surprisingly, no. It had really excited me to see her receive that much pleasure. At first I had kind of detached myself, and looked at them as two people having sex, and not as somebody else having sex with my wife. As things progressed, however, it became a case of extreme arousal at just how turned on my wife was. Lin's initial reaction was that of surprise. In our fantasies, we can shape and mold things and people to the way we want them. Lin told me that in her fantasies, she had morphed the other man into a copy of me. When George came over, she had totally forgotten that everyone's different, and that he wasn't another me. Everything from the way he performed, down to the way he smelled was different. She hadn't planned on that. She had two different men, with two different styles of lovemaking, and she was surprised by how much that alone had turned her on.

We both agreed that it was certainly something we wanted to do again - and we did. We invited George over to our house several more times before we left for overseas again.

Once overseas, our exploration into this new facet of our sex life continued. By this time it was fall of 1993/winter of 1994, and this was long before we discovered computers or the internet, which was just basically starting to explode at that time. We met people through our own interaction with others, and through answering ads in local swinger's publications. At that time, there were several of those in most major cities around the world. While we were overseas, we continued to play exclusively with single men, both of us focusing on Lin, and having a total blast doing it. When it came close to time for Lin to re-enlist in the army, she decide that she'd had enough, so she got out of the army, and we came back home to the US in early 1998.

I'm sorry this is so long. I know that long posts tend to lose people's attention rather quickly, but I've pared this down as much as I possibly can.

We're often asked how we got involved in the Swing Lifestyle. After a few years of telling the story over and over again, I finally decided to sit down and write it out, in full, in the hopes that it will satisfy not only the curiosity in others, but in ourselves as well. What do I mean by that? Sometimes by writing things down in an organized manner, I can better understand my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Organizing my own thoughts, as it were.

Let me preface this by saying that swinging is NOT for everyone. We know this, and accept it. We are in no way attempting to sway anyone's thoughts, decisions, or emotions, nor are we attempting to 'recruit people' or justify our own actions. This is simply an explanation of how we got involved in swinging to begin with. Let me also say that safe sex is a must. We only have one body, and we have to take care of it. If you can't wrap that rascal, keep it in your pants!

Lin and I met while we were both in the US Army, and were married in 1988. From the beginning we've had a very active, and very satisfying sex life. Let me stop here for a second and tell you that I'm the kind of guy that gets excited by genuine female excitement. I feed off of it. If the woman isn't really enjoying it, neither am I. Nothing in this world is more exciting to me than seeing Lin orgasm. To that end, all of our foreplay, sex play, and discussions are centered on her arousal - I get my arousal that way.

We've always been relatively open with each other, and are now able to freely discuss anything that's on our minds. When we first married, however, she was pretty reserved. As my new bride, she was a bit hesitant to openly explore various fantasies with me, no matter how much I encouraged her to do so. Over the years, she relaxed quite a lot, and began to open up to me a lot more - once she figured out that I meant it when I told her that she could tell me anything at all, and that I wouldn't be upset with her.

We had both been married previously, and both of us had been left by our former spouses for someone else. That fact alone gave us an extra layer of mutual respect, in that both of us having been on the receiving end of that equation, neither of us wants to be the one to cause the other that much pain again.

As our marriage progressed, she felt more comfortable in discussing some of her fantasies with me. Some, but still not all. I sometimes had to approach a subject with her, because she was still very hesitant to make the first move. One thing we had in common from the start was a love for erotic stories, letters, and written forms of sexually explicit material in general. Now I'll admit I'm sometimes not the quickest on the uptake, so it took me a while to notice that whenever I brought home a new magazine, she would immediately turn to the stories or letters that involved one woman and multiple men. I didn't ask her about it at first, but rather just left her to her fantasies, and enjoyed the benefit of her arousal.

After about 3 1/2 years of marriage, I finally did approach the subject with her. She was understandably hesitant to talk about it at first, but eventually did open up to me completely. She told me that it all went back to her first marriage. She had been married to a very domineering man for 15 years, and he was the sort of man who thought that foreplay was a waste of time. His attitude was they were there for intercourse, so why bother with anything else? As a result, Lin wound up being left frustrated more often than not. When he was finished, that was that - end of story. In order to help arouse herself, she began to fantasize about another man in the room, ready to take over when her husband finished, thus allowing her to climax as well. That fantasy evolved from one man to several men, each waiting their turn to have sex with her as each previous man climaxed inside her. This fantasy helped her immensely, and became her favorite even after they separated, and we got married.

At first I just listened and asked a few questions here and there, never considering it to be odd or anything like that. I knew that lots of women had similar fantasies, and that this was simply a normal thing. I started gearing the magazines, adult videos, and stories toward that fantasy. There's no lack of such erotica out there, so I purposely looked for it. She's always loved sex toys, and we had a selection of dildos and vibrators that I began to use on her, sometimes talking to her about 'the other man' as I did so. We teased and talked to each other about the nameless other man, and it never failed to stimulate us both to huge climaxes.

Our sex life went from great to fantastic, partly because of the erotica that I brought home, partly from the teasing and talking, and partly because she saw for herself that I didn't consider those kinds of fantasies to be any sort of threat to our relationship. On the contrary - I thought of it as a wonderful enhancement to what we already had.

After about 6 months, I began to have thoughts about actually trying it for real. I must stop and say right here that during this 4-year period, we had transferred duty stations twice, going from the US, to an overseas assignment, then back to the US again. I got out of the army in 1991, after the Gulf War, and followed her while she stayed in. All of my initial discovery of her fantasies took place while we were overseas. It was once we were back in the US and settled into our new assignment that I began to have these thoughts. I didn't talk to her about it for quite a while - close to a year. A few months after I began to have these thoughts, Lin was sent to a 3 month long school out of state. During our time away from each other I began to do some very deep soul searching.

My thoughts ran the gamut from figuring out whether or not I'd be immediately jealous that somebody else was actually touching my wife, to how the heck I could even approach the subject with her. At first I agonized about it, then the more I thought about it, the less of a dilemma it became. I began to use what I considered at the time to be logic. It went something like this…

Wouldn't this be the same as cheating? No. Cheating, in our opinion, involves lies, fraud, or some other form of deceit. If everything is out in the open, with no secrets or subterfuge, how could it be cheating? Isn't this just adultery? In the strict sense of the word, I imagine it is, but if every one is agreeable, what harm can come from it? Who would benefit from it if we did it? All of us, obviously. Who would be hurt by it? Potentially, all of us again - unless strict guidelines were agreed to and adhered to from the beginning. I then moved on to the more emotional issues.

Who did she love? Me. Would she love the other person? I don't know - no, probably not - in fact, certainly not. Who would she come home with at the end of the day? Me. Would the other man be taking anything away from our relationship? That was the tough one. I had been raised to believe that sex was something that people who were in love did. Even as a teenager I equated sex with love. It wasn't that the thought of sex as a recreational thing was foreign to me, it was just that it wasn't anything I had ever thought of. I knew there were people who called themselves swingers (or wife-swappers at the time.) And I thought I knew what that meant. I now know that I didn't know a thing - I just thought I did.

The big question was, could I separate sex from love to the point that I could allow another man to have sex with my wife? I really thought long and hard about that one. I discovered that over time, the more I thought about it, the more the thought excited me. I finally decided that I could. The thought of Lin having sex with someone else while I was there, and the excitement she would be experiencing, became more and more exciting to me the more I thought about it.

Would I be jealous? That was the big one, and probably the hardest one to put into words. Yes, I would be jealous - but how would that jealousy manifest itself? I'm not a violent person, so I knew that wouldn't be a factor. I'm not a manipulative person, so this wouldn't be used as leverage to get my way down the road for something else entirely. I'm not good at keeping thoughts and ideas to myself, so Lin would know something was wrong. How would I handle it? Again, my mind wandered down the road of what, at the time, I thought was logic: "This whole thing is your idea, dude. You'll handle it by going through it and discussing it with her after the fact, and going from there."

Ok, so the couple in this thread:
http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...et-peeves.html
and this thread:
http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...-children.html

are the same couple.

After reading their "are there any real couples out there" comment, I went ahead and wrote them with a simple "we are real, are you interested?".

We had emailed them previously with no response and I really didn't expect one this time. But we got one saying that yes they were interested... but that was it. SO I wrote them back that we'd like to meet and what our schedule looked like and let us know when we could set something up. Their response... "we'll give you a shout as we have to arrange a sitter and such...".

After debating I finally replied back with a simple "we look forward to hearing from you" and left it at that.

This is the third time so far that we have run into couples that when faced with the prospect of actually meeting they dissapear. And the second time that kids have been used as an excuse. The first time the couple got their panties in a wad when we suggested setting up a time to meet (open -ended) and replied back that we were rude for not considering that they had kids and had to get a sitter, as if I was suggesting we meet that night.

I'm still going back and forth on the whole body image thing. One day I feel really good about myself... the next I just don't see the change and I feel crappy.

Yesterday was a crappy day. I just couldn't see the improvement and I felt bad about myself and my body image. No matter what Pet said or did, it wouldn't change.

This morning I woke up feeling better about myself. I put on a new pair of jeans (which I finally picked up from alterations yesterday) and a new top... and for the first time in years actually felt comfortable enough with my body to tuck my shirt into my jeans. Then I headed to the hairdresser to see if she should do something to help on that end... and she did.

Back in the summer, the girl who had been cutting my hair for the last year hacked it to bits leaving strange choppy bits all over my head. I've been trying to get it fixed ever since and tried a new girl today (the second since this incident). I left there with mixed feelings (on one hand my hair looked really good, on the other hand was the question of will it look this good tomorrow when I have to do it). But, something different happened today that hasn't happened in quite a while... I got compliments on my hair from just about everyone who saw it. That made me feel good.

I also updated our SLS profile with new pics taken last weekend at the meetup and we've been getting more fresh contacts again. While they may not all be people we would be interested in, it's nice to know people are interested in us. It feels good.

It may take time for me to fully accept that my body has changed, but I'm getting there.

We have'nt posted to our blog recently because we have been very busy preparing for our annual migration south to our winter home in Florida.

Our preparations to leave Ontario included bidding a temporary farewell to both our vanilla and swinging friends. Of course it was more fun to say au revoir to our swinging friends if you know what we mean! They got much more than the perfunctionary hug and peck on the cheek that our vanilla friends receive.

A few days before we departed our neighbours and new swinging friends, Jan and Andre, invited us over for the evening. The dress code was casual so under our robes we wore matching pale blue transparent outfits, Brian a thong and Jo a camisole and panties. Jan greeted us in all white attire - bra, panties and thigh highs - while Andre was wearing just a wrap around his waist. Of course it was'nt long before we decided that even this brief covering was too much and we all stripped off to play, although Jan kept her thigh highs on to begin with. For the next three hours we enjoyed each other's company on Jan and Andre's king sized bed. We began by playing with our own partners because Jan and Andre wanted to watch us sucking, licking and fucking. Then we switched partners for another round or two of very enjoyable sex. We were impressed at how easily our neighbours have adopted the swinging lifestyle. They were totally comfortable with us and were very open in fully accepting the various combinations of partner which are possible when two couples are naked and in bed together. This even extended to Andre joining Brian in some male bi-play. Before he had been quite reluctant and while he had allowed Brian to suck his cock he himself would not go beyond gently touching Brian's. This time at Jan's urging Andre did lick Brian and the two guys got into a 69 which got Jan very excited indeed. All in all it was an excellent evening all round and we will miss each other over the next six months.

Now we are back in Florida where we lead a similar lifestyle to when we are in Ontario - golf with our vanilla friends and swinging with our really close friends. We swing mostly with couples we have met at the nudist resort we belong to. We are going to the "Bare as You Dare" dance on Friday and have already made arrangements to hook up, hopefully in more ways than one, with a couple whose company we enjoyed several times last winter. We'll keep you posted.

Bye for now.

Brian and Jo

The first rule in swinging, and therefore the first rule at any club, is that no means NO! It can't be said any plainer than that. I don't know of a single club that doesn't vigorously enforce this rule. They're there to provide a safe, clean environment for like-minded people to socialize, meet, and maybe more. They can't do that if they don't strictly enforce Rule #1, as it's called. The swinging community is relatively small, and word travels fast within circles. Even a rumor of a club not handling situations properly would result in that club being avoided like the plague. The vast majority of swing clubs can't advertise like a regular nightclub can, so they rely on word of mouth. So they understand that adhering to Rule #1 is essential. I'm very serious here - no means no - period.

If anyone can't take no for an answer, gets insistent, obnoxious, or even grabby, all one has to do is let a staff member know, and the offending party WILL be taken aside and talked to, and removed if necessary - and not allowed back. I would say that 99.99% of swingers also take this rule as gospel, so the problem rarely comes up. We've seen it happen only a couple of times in 7 years, and it was always as a result of someone having too much alcohol. Most clubs frown on drunkenness as a result of this, and keep an eye out for its signs. It's fine to have a drink or two, and it's encouraged. Getting hammered, however, is frowned upon, and that person will most often find themselves being asked to leave, and not allowed back.

The first question we are asked is "Will I be expected to have sex with somebody else? What if I don't want to have sex with somebody else?" The answer is "Then don't." It needs to be stressed that you are under NO obligation to do ANYTHING other than abide by the rules of the club, and be polite - just like any other place. Almost every club has a printed list of rules, and will be more than happy to explain them to you - some even require that you read those rules and sign a copy of them as a condition of membership. You don't have to have sex with anyone, or at all for that matter. YOU are always in COMPLETE charge of your body, and walking into a swing club does not change that in any way, shape, manner, or form. Turning down an invitation to play with someone is very acceptable - it happens all the time. Nobody is attracted to everyone, and everyone knows that. A polite "Thanks, but no thanks," is perfectly acceptable. If there's a problem, see Rule #1. You don't owe anybody anything just because you're there. Just bring your party manners, relax, and have a good time.

Another one of the first questions we're asked is, "What if I see somebody I know there?" or, "What if somebody sees us there?" Lin and I had this question as well, although Lin had a bigger problem with it than I did. The answer to that question is, "So what?" Think about it - why is that person there? For the same reason you are. It does happen - it's happened to us. In fact it happened on our 4th visit to one particular club. Lin and I were sitting at the bar, ordering drinks, when I heard a familiar voice off to my left. I turned, and there was a woman I had worked with for the last 2 years, and her husband. After the initial "OH MY GOD! - YOU?" wore off, we all laughed about it and had a really good time that night. They're now some of our closest lifestyle friends, and come to all of our house parties.

Lin was very concerned that she'd bump into someone she worked with. She finally came to the conclusion that if that happened, she'd talk to the person and make sure everything was clear between them - work was one thing, and this is another. The two will remain separate. And if you think about it in another way, that other person stands to lose just as much as you do if things get out of hand. Is anyone really going to go to work Monday and announce, "Hey! Guess who I saw at a swing club Saturday night?" The first response would be, "What were you doing at a swing club?"

What I'm saying is that the swing community in every area is relatively small, so it does happen that people bump into people they may know from other aspects of life - especially in smaller towns like ours. You will have to come to terms with that however you see fit to do so. Rule #2 (see below) comes into play here. Generally speaking, it winds up not being such a bad thing. While at first you may be stunned or amazed that 'that person swings?' it's usually seen as not a very big deal soon after the initial surprise wears off. Besides - that gives you a couple to socialize with since you already know them.

Rule #2 is that discretion is a must. Leave what happens at a swing club at the swing club. It's fine to discuss it between yourselves, and even amongst your lifestyle friends, but it's considered bad form to discuss things with your non-lifestyle friends and co-workers. It does happen, but it's not usually considered being a good thing. A good friend of mine once gave me some fabulous advice - "Don't try to make your friends swingers, make swingers your friends." With that in mind, please leave your non-lifestyle friends out of the discussion. It really is nobody else's business.

So, now you see why my answer to the question, "What happens at a swing club?" is "What do you want to happen?" Truth be told, just about anything you can dream of can potentially happen - and I mean that in a good way. Swingers come in all shapes, sizes, and races. They come from both ends of the economic spectrum, and everywhere in between. They come from varied backgrounds, have varied interests. They're just people. The defining difference is they all share a common sexual interest, and view a club as a place to meet, socialize with, and just be around others with that same interest. There's a chance that something more than just socializing may come about - but there's an equal chance that it won't. It can be a place to play, or it can just be a place to make contact. It can be a place to watch, or a place to be watched. It can just be a place to hang out with some sexy people. It always is, however, what you make it.

What happens at a Swing Club? Well - what do you want to happen? There are so many possible answers to that question; it's almost impossible to answer in a short sentence. Some people have a mental image of some massive orgy in the middle a dance floor that anyone can just dive into - it's not. Some think that a club is a meat market filled with predatory men out to grab their wives or force people to do something they don't want to do - it's not. Some might think that simply by walking in the door, they're obligated to have sex - they're not. Describing what happens at a swing club is kind of like trying to describe what happens at any kind of social function or party - it varies. You have to understand a few facts first…

There are basically two kinds of swing clubs - off-premise clubs, and on-premise clubs. Almost all of our experience is with on-premise clubs. The overwhelming majority of swing clubs are for couples only. Most will allow a couple to bring a single female with them as a guest, but few allow single men into the club at all. I know that doesn't sound fair, but the perception is that if single men are allowed in, the club will soon be nothing but single men looking to score. I don't necessarily agree with that, but that's the perception. A lot of couples (especially soft swingers, or couples new to swinging) are concerned with men aggressively pursuing a woman in a club. To eliminate that fear, most clubs have adopted a strict 'couples only' policy. With that in mind, everything I present here will be based on the assumption that you're a couple wanting to explore a club.

Off-premise clubs normally don’t allow any kind of open sexual activity on the premises - hence the name. They're usually clubs that cater to swingers who are looking for a place to meet, socialize, and make plans to explore a bit further someplace else. They may allow a little bit of nudity; then again they may not. Laws vary form place to place, and some laws don't allow some places that serve alcohol to also allow any nudity at all. Other than that, it's much like any other nightclub or lounge. The average nightclub frowns on couples trying to hook up on their premises, however, so special clubs were developed to take care of this niche market.

On-premise clubs allow sexual activity on their premises, and some encourage it in ways best left to the imagination. Again, laws vary, and some on-premise clubs don't serve alcohol - they're BYOB establishments. Usually, sexual activity is confined to special 'party rooms' or 'playrooms,' but not always. Nudity isn't common, but it isn't rare either - that really depends on the crowd. It's not uncommon to see people topless, flashing a bit here and there, or even a bit of petting and fondling. We've even seen men and women lose a game of pool, and as a result have to strip naked and streak the entire club - much to everyone's delight, and with a lot of cheering. Basically, when it comes to nudity or sexual activity; if you have to ask, take it to the playroom just to be safe…

There are also different types of swingers. They're broken down into two main groups - soft-swap (or soft swingers) or full-swap (or hardcore swingers.) Soft swingers are the kind most people can relate to. They're couples that don't trade partners, rather, they prefer to have sex with their mates, and don't have any interest in having sex with anyone else. They're more interested in the voyeuristic/exhibitionistic aspects of swinging, and prefer to keep it that way. It's been our experience that about half of the people who go to the clubs we frequent are in this category.

Full swap swingers can take on many forms - couples looking for the elusive single bi female are considered to be a part of this category. There are literally millions of couples looking for the single bi female who don't consider themselves swingers - well, they are… They're also the most numerous single sub-group of the lot. Some couples are looking for single males, some exclusively for other couples. The possible combinations are literally countless.

The average playroom is pretty basic - lots of sofas, loveseats, and ottomans for you to play on, or watch others play from. Some have mattresses, and huge pit-like sofas, while others will go so far as to provide a sex swing or Jacuzzi or two. Every club is different, so there's no real answer to what they're like. Every club tries to set its own mood. Some clubs have 1 playroom, and some have several - to include so-called 'private rooms.' Just a pointer here - if you see a private room with a door closed, leave it closed and move on.

What happens in the playroom? Well, nothing illegal. Other than that, basically anything you can think of. We've seen everything from one-on-one oral sex to 4-couple orgies. We've seen a woman blindfolded and put into a sex swing, then basically turned out to the crowd. If you can think of a possible combination, we've seen it. The only rule is everyone has to be agreeable to whatever it is that's happening, or may happen. See Rule #1 below. I have to stop here for a second and mention sex between men. Relatively speaking, that's not something that's seen much in the lifestyle, and we've never seen it in a swing club. That's not to say it doesn't happen, just that we've never seen it. I'm sure there are just as many bi men as there are bi women. Usually, however, that's kept behind closed doors, or in clubs that cater to that lifestyle. I'm not saying that it's seen as unacceptable, or a bad thing, I'm just saying that bi men tend to keep that behind closed doors, seeking to meet other bi men, or couples with bi men, through other means. I'll also say point blank that being naked in the same room with another naked man doesn't make you gay! That's junior high school talking. It had to be said…

I'll also take this time to tell you that safe sex is an absolute must. Some clubs do provide condoms, but some don't. Ultimately, it's up to you to protect yourself. We only have one body, so we have to take care of it. Do bring your own protection - just in case.

Some on-premise clubs are run from a commercial building, and some are operated out of the owner's private home. This last category of club has become more popular recently, as it's thought that the owners of the home present a safer, cleaner environment. I don't know how true that is, but that's the perception. A majority of clubs will require you to become a member. There's usually a fee involved with become a member, (usually about $40, which also covers that night's admission) and there's usually an admission fee to get into the club on subsequent evenings. With some clubs, that admission includes appetizers and an open bar, although some clubs are moving away from that to keep out the people who see that as '$40 - all you can drink!' and have no interest at all in swinging.

Almost all clubs have special events designed to get the crowd circulating and socializing. These events run the gamut from 'Naughty Nightie' parties to Mardi Gras parties, New Year's parties, Lingerie parties… the list is almost endless. Some of these parties, the New Year's parties especially, can have a higher admission fee, based on the event's popularity, and what the club is providing in addition to what's normally provided. Most clubs have a website that will have a calendar of events that will explain the event and any additional admission fees.

That leads me to another common question; "How should we dress?" Special events not withstanding, think casual-sexy. I'll address the men first, because that's always easier. Most clubs don't really have a dress code, but don't like to allow shirts with no collars - meaning T-shirts. A nice pair of slacks or jeans is fine, and a button up shirt or golf shirt is acceptable. Think casual, and you'll be fine. I've yet to see anyone in a suit and tie, although I have seen a kilt or two - talk about an ice breaker. Some men wear shorts in the summertime, and that's ok too. For the women, it's a bit more difficult to explain. We've seen everything from blue jeans and a western shirt to a fishnet body stocking, with nothing else. The club likes to try to provide a sexy atmosphere, and encourage both sexes to dress sexily. Your 'little black dress' would be very welcome, but if you should decide to turn it up a bit and be more daring, lingerie is always welcome at an on-premise club. If you're a bit more reserved, a skirt and nice blouse is perfectly acceptable as well. It's really your call.

The main socializing area of most clubs look like any other bar, lounge, or nightclub, and are operated in the same manner. Some, in fact, are normal lounges or nightclubs during the week, but they close their doors on weekends for 'private, couple's only parties.' There's usually music of some kind, a dance floor, and possibly pool tables or other such games. There are lots of places to sit and socialize, and some clubs have special activities or events to break the ice and get people circulating. There is a definite party atmosphere most of the time, depending on the crowd.

I've discovered that since I lost 20lbs over the summer I'm having a bit of a body dislexia. Even though I'm wearing much smaller clothes and I look at the clothes and can see they are smaller not only by the number on the tag but just by looking at them, when I look at my own body in the mirror I still see it as the same size that it was before I lost weight. I think it's because it's the same shape overall and because I was seeing it the whole time I was losing weight so I don't really SEE the change.

I was shopping the other day and there was another girl there trying on the same size jeans I'm wearing now and I was looking at her and seeing this girl that is WAY smaller than me.. but obviously she's not much smaller if she's wearing the same size as me. I find that I look at other girls and try to judge their size now and I can't... the ones I would say are the same size as me are typically bigger... and the ones I think are much smaller aren't. It's really messing with my head.

Pet says he can see the size difference and that I am definately smaller. The time I notice it most (besides when buying clothes) is when we are having sex. I obviously have less of an ass... I just about need a pillow under my butt to put me back in the same position I was previously.... or I've found that throwing my legs over his shoulders works quite well now (and is much easier).

Hi Everyone!!

I'm a male, 59, and have always suffered from an excessively strong sex drive. However, it sure has been an odyssey. I haven't actually been to the rooster yet but plan on coming either tonight or tomorrow. I've heard great things about it. This is not an ad for me so all I'll say is that I am a retired college professor, enjoy computers and photography, and sort of the shy and quiet type. I welcome any replies or correspondence. I am a Photoshop whiz so drop me a line for any problems you might have. I also love lunch dates, so bye for now.

Ted and I were lying in bed this morning, just clicking around the interweb, as is our habit on most Saturday mornings and discussing if we wanted to go out and play tonight or not.

We click over to SLS and there's an e-mail from our regular play buddy. Our ensuing e-mail exchange was cracking me up...

Him: What ya'll up to tonight?

Me: Well, was just fixing to e-mail you and ask if you were horny.

Him: I'm always horny.

Me: Yes, but do you want to play tonight?

Him: What time will you be here?


It's so good to have a friend that you can joke around with and know they'll get your sense of humor and understand your kinky side. We've been playing with this man for almost eight years now and the comfort level between the three of us is wonderful.

It's gonna be a HOT time in the old town tonight! :facelick:


T.

Well, went to the halloween party. What a waste. About 10 couples and a couple of extra guys showed up. The probable "highlight" of the evening was a strip poker game that two couples got going. Absolutely nothing else going on. Things were so exciting that, finally, the wife picked out a single guy and set up a threesome. When she told me about it, I explained to her that the guy "turned me off", and that I wasn't interested in a threesome. When she just sat there looking at me like "what next?" I told her she should go have fun with him herself. Afterwards, she came back to me to give her the "big O" that finishes off her night. Then we went home and she went to bed to sleep. Oh well, I guess I missed something in the "small print" about being happy in the lifestyle.
Don't know if there will ever be more to this blog. Just have to "be patient", like everyone tells me and see what happens

... and this includes users of this place

like it or not!